What’s it like to be me? I guess most of the time I can fake it, pretend that I can’t tell you’re sad inside, pretend that I can’t feel how everyone around me is feeling and when they’re lying. I can appear to not be affected by the injustices in the world, the homeless man begging for change, the child being stripped of its individuality, or the elderly person who is frustrated that their body won’t move as quickly as their mind wants it to. But, pretending so much really takes its toll on me.
Ever since I was a little girl, I have been told that I’m too sensitive. So, I get it, it’s not normal. That’s what society tells me but I don’t know anything different. I never understood why people treated one another so badly. I never understood the logic behind wars, or inflicting pain of any kind on others. Why would someone, who knows what that pain feels like want to be the cause of that pain for another person? Thinking about these things brings me down.
My sister was always the “easy” child, and I, the “difficult” one… my mom’s words. I didn’t mean to be difficult, I just was unable to conform, to follow suit, to do things that I didn’t FEEL was right for me. If my parents wanted me to be quite when I had something to say, I didn’t disrespect them by speaking my mind, I felt the resolve to respect myself and express my feelings on the matter. I never meant to be difficult, I only meant to be authentic.
As an adult I find similar issues when I’m out in the world. I speak my mind and don’t feel the need to withhold the details of the information being provided. I’m often extremely passionate about my feelings and offer them as a suggestion, something to engage with, not as fact. But I noticed, at times, my peers are turned off by the conviction of my passion. They misread me as aggressive, like I think I know everything. I’m always misunderstood.
Damnit! I’m so sensitive! I wish I didn’t care! I wish I didn’t feel things so deeply! I wish I could put on a filter and just shut up already! This is what it’s like to be me… an Empath in today’s society. Everyone walks around trying so hard not to feel, they distract themselves with entertainment, gossip, and social media fads. I’m jealous of them sometimes. Faking it, distracting myself, hiding my empathy is INCREDIBLY draining to me. So, if you notice I haven’t been around for a while, or I have a tendency to choose to be alone often, just know it’s my way of resetting my energy levels.
I’m someone who has learned over the years to first, allow myself to feel what I’m feeling, understand that it’s who I am, and try not to let other’s misunderstanding of my empathic persona dictate to me who I should be. Then, and most importantly, take my proposed weakness and turn it into a strength, use it to help others who need a person to feel what they are feeling and help them to navigate through their emotions.
So I decided to become a therapist. Now, I use my empathic abilities to help people all over the world connect with their emotions. I help them to find healthy ways to feel and express themselves. Helping others has brought me so much joy and I realize now that is why God gave me this gift. The gift of feeling, of honesty, of the bravery to support the unsupported!
